One year survivor!!!

The road to recovery is definitely not paved with rose petals and blossums...but I've been told by other Proud Survivors and personally discovered... the struggle to get through it is worth it. And I have to admit, that at the beginning of this "unwelcomed" journey, I couldn't see much of the other side. I was worried and scared, but I tried for the life of me not to show it. I can't tell you how many days I was crying inside and thought I would go out of my mind, even though not many people know this. My own husband had no idea most days.



I found healing in positive thinking and in the Grace of God. I have always been a believer, but I think that foundation is totally unbreakable after this past year.



What I think is funny is how people I know react to me now versus to how they did back then. When I was going through chemo, I saw the pity that people had in their eyes and the "Oh my gosh, you are so young" comments...well, I have had the same pity in my eyes before too, and let me tell you...please don't. These are probably the strongest women I will ever know...spiritually and personally. I hope someday to fit in the same category as them, because they are truly my heroes. I don't think I could have made it without hearing the success stories that they shared around the Chemo lounge. These women truly helped calm my fears.



A friend of mine asked me the other day if I could re-do my life, if I would leave this part out...NO WAY!!! God had a plan, and I am on a mission to find out the rest of it! To all of the survivors out there...YOU WOMEN ROCK!

Is history repeating itself?

Well, I haven't really listened to the news a whole lot until the President came on last night and talked about the stock market and the whole ordeal with that. And it made me wonder: Are we headed into another Great Depression? The reason why it is down sounds a lot like why it crashed towards the end of the 1920s. Banks loaned out too much money to people who really and truly had no intentions of paying the loan back and when one person does this, it's bad enough; but when more people are doing it, the situation turns ugly.
It's not the American people's fault, no, it's the banks trying to get greedy and issue out more than what they should have. It's hard to believe that they have "financial advisors" and this happened and I come to the conclusion that obviously these so-called advisors don't know how to advise properly. I pray that the situation turns for the better and that the banks learn from their mistakes...
...who knows, maybe they should have paid more attention in History class when the crash of the Stock Market was taught and this whole thing could have been avoided!

Just in a bad mood!

I know everyone has had one of these days! I'm just in a pissy mood! I really can't tell you why, all I know is that everything is bothering me...so I have distanced myself from the ones that I love in order not to get short with them. Except Michael, the dude won't leave me alone; it's almost like he wants me to be mean to him. I've told him to leave me alone and yet, el hombre won't go away! No, he goes and pokes my ear, then he stands in front of my tv and asks me, "what are you watching?" Well nothing with your fat head in the way!!! AAAARRRRGGG! Please tell me I'm not a bad person for feeling this way, it's just one of those days! I'm praying that it's gone by tomorrow...it might be that I didn't get my caffiene in today!

no hay mucho amor hoy

What's mine is theirs, what's their's is their's!!!

My two babies...drinking MY M&M shake!

We went to Fuddrucker's for dinner the other night and for the most part, I love eating burgers with a shake. My kids make a mess with anything and everything, so I get the shake and I let them take turns in drinking some.

WELL, let me tell you something, it became the other way around. Whenever I wanted a drink, they both looked at me like I was "thiefing" my own shake. AND... it actually turns out that this time, I made the mess...I was trying to refill my glass and the entire shake from the other container just flew into my glass spilling onto the table. Leah just looked at me and very "quietly" said" UUMMMM, MAMA, YOU MAY MESH!, TEEN UP, MAMA, TEEN UP!"

Oh, yeah, she knows about clean up when it's some one else's mess, but when it's hers, it's like it doesn't even exist! Silly girl. My kids are just like their mama, we likes the sweet! Obviously!

Mucho amor

biggest worries right now

Well, I have a couple of new worries...what are my kids going to be for halloween. My son wants to be Iron Man and my daughter wants to be everything she sees in the catalog! My worry is that when I go to buy them, they don't have my kids' size. My son is a skinny weenie, and my daughter is too so the dilemma is that I can't find anything that stays up!!! I hope that the catalog has their sizes this year online unlike last year...the sizes I needed were gone...early! I tried ordering at least a month before and they were sold out. Trust me, I was pretty upset. so my goal now is to try to order them sooner. I think though, my daughter is going to be a princess transformer with the hulk muscles because every time we look at those, she says..."I want that"

Worry number 2...is what I have really allergies or has it turned into a cold...cause dangit...I can't breathe at night, I cough all night long...I have no voice and the cough medicine is really gross! Whine Whine Whine....I know, but you know, when I'm trying to teach without a voice, it becomes an inconvenience...Why can't I just get sick on the weekends and feel better by Monday?

Worry #3...Will my daughter wet herself if I put the gate up at night? Yay! My daughter is finally potty trained and she won't wet the bed at night...instead she comes to my room to let me know that she needs to go pee pee in the potty. Then, she wants to climb in my bed and sleep with us. Now, normally I would say that it was ok, but when I am getting tae kwon do-ed at night, I tend to get no sleep. HOWEVER...my daughter is truly her mother's daughter...because if I were to put the gate up, I have a feeling that she would wet herself to teach ME a lesson...so the question becomes....Is it worth it getting judo chopped at night instead of putting sheets to wash and cleaning the carpet early in the morning when I should be asleep?
~mucho amor~

Countdown...5, 4, 3, 2, 1

I have 4 more days of radiation left. Woooo hooo!!! I am so excited, and my right side looks like a burnt toast! It is a bit sensitive and I have minor pains every once in a while, but for the most part, I am counting down. I am actually considering sending myself a bouquet of the edible creations to congratulate myself with going through this treatment and finishing. I was a bit on the negative side before all of this started, but I realized how fast it has gone. I get discharged on Thursday, but my last treatment is on Friday. I am so excited. I know I have already said that, but seriously, it's one of my accomplishments other than my kids and family.

The only down side to this is that I am not on the happy go lucky side of things...I either have a bad case of allergies, or a small cold...either way, it sucks! I can't breathe and my throat gets dry at night, and I am up coughing and I lost my voice! I sound like a raspy crank caller! Oh, it's bad and Oh the drama at school. My students didn't get to talk in my classroom due to the fact that I was talking in a whisper for most of the class. But they learned something new today and that's what matters to me! But tomorrow is another day, and hopefully I will get better.
Mucho amor

Secret languages

My hubby and I used to have a secret language when we were dating. It was in letters that we wrote each other when he moved away my junior year of high school. I laugh now that I read them because I can't believe that I had so much influence on my husband to change the way he spoke to me! My husband is not that type of man; he's too cool for that! He calls me the nerd of the two, which I am, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I told him one day that I had a cousin who had super fat cheeks and I loved squeezing his face in and making him say "peaches". Well, that became our secret word meaning "more". He used to write me like 5 sentence letters (my husband is not a writer) but he would send me a 3 page letter with the words "I love you more....PEACHES. It was/is the sweetest thing ever.

Now, we don't do that so much to each other, but my kids take after their mama for sure. My son and I have a "who loves each other more" contest. Our conversation is as follows: Me-I love you. Mikey-I love you more; me-I love you much much more; Mikey- I love you to infinity and beyond; me-I love you to infinity and beyond plus one; Mikey-I love you to infinity and beyond plus superman and spiderman and the incredible hulk....
...Needless to say, this list gets pretty long. But it's a special thing my son and I share.

Now my daughter doesn't even give me a chance...she tells me I love her and I say it back then to end it quickly she says: "I luv you more than nap" and she goes away as if to say "that's it". (She takes after the daddy) I love our secret languages that we have. It something that I am going to cherish forever.